Madame Ping

What does this even go in

Saw a comment saying that Houzhang and Jiehu look like Jacksepticeye and Markiplier and now that thought won't leave my mind

So here, take this dumb meme I made

*I'm posting 2x memes to make up for yesterday

Having to tag all this is hell

spoilers for the lantern rite and liyue archon quest if anyone hasnt finished that yet

clears throat.

we all know now that madame ping and guizhong were friends. close friends. and also i hope we all know that guizhong is dead. if you didn't know, I assume you live under a rock and/or haven't gotten to the liyue archon quest yet. if that is the case I already told you there would be spoilers.

anyways. i have made a connection. figure 1.

guizhong is associated with and has an admiration for glaze lilies. figure two.

glaze lilies have a connection to music. figure three.

madame ping is associated with and enjoys music.

figure freaking four.

(this is really zoomed out im sorry) look at the flowers she's next to.

i rest my case. they are connected. everything is connected. i dont know if im stupid and everyone else has already realized this but MUSIC OPENS THE GLAZE LILIES??? i just think thats really sad and also so cute that their friendship lives on in some form even after guizhong died :(

i just finished the event quests (rare lyn w!?!?!?!?!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i never do that!!!!!!!!!!) a couple hours ago and oh my god

the guizhong/cloud retainer story(i dont wna spoil for anyone who hasnt done the quest but BRO THAT WAS KINDA HEART WRENCHING WTF.) was so sad/beautiful at the same time like i just could not

the cutscenes were absolutely beautiful, the lantern rite ending clip was just astronomical, and i almost cried watching it in class 😭

(epilogue go crazy too fr)

once again genshin has not failed to surprise me in another way of many

i might just become a lore player (/j im already all the way in inazuma it's too late for that...)

anyways! i heart lantern rite

fav event by far

also,, i finally got chongyun :)) after the longest time my baby boy is finally home !!!!!!!!!!!!! time to waste my time farming for chongyun knowing that if i get hu tao he will be kicked right out of my party 😘🥰😍

I formatted it differently this time.

Normal text: @Zhongli's lost wallet

Italic text: me

Bold text: stuff I added while editing it to clarify things or make it less repetitive.

We also upped the puns to 10000%. This one is even worse than the previous one.

Enjoy!

Once there was an old lady with a teapot. Her name was Mad Pong. Her actual name was Ping but she was always mad and she smelled bad so they called her Mad Pong. She threw the teapot at everyone within 10 meters of her, and the teapot absorbed everyone she threw it at and they were stuck inside cleaning cobwebs. But every time they were done, more cobwebs came and consumed them. Many people were entrapped in the cobwebs, unable to escape, until one day... a boar appeared. Xiangling appeared after the boar explaining that while chasing the boar, she got too close to Mad Pong. She decided to help the people trapped in the cobwebs, so she invented a new dish made from cobwebs. Soon they gobbled up all the cobwebs, but the people were left starving since they no longer had a source of food.

New cobwebs spawn, again and again. The people ate too many cobwebs and they were too thicc and full, so they held an emergency meeting for an escape plan cuz there were too many cobwebs. They decide to make a human tower to see if they can reach the top of the pot but there were too few people so Xiangling threw Guoba and sent him to find an escape route for the people trapped inside. But since Guoba has 0 IQ, he just stood there and stared at ur mom. Unfortunately, Mad Pong sensed a disturbance in the teapot as Guoba got out. It turns out Guoba was staring at Mad Pong.

Mad Pong is ur mom.

Guoba started to spit fireballs at ur mom so she called ur dad. His name is Roc Dud. Roc Dud screamed "DEEZ NUTS" and Walnut Taos started falling from the sky, then Roc Dud went off to buy milk and never came back cuz he forgot to bring Mora.

There weren’t enough Walnut Taos so they summoned le mighty Kokonuts. Le Kokonuts flew in from Inutzooma, but the Walnut Taos and Kokonuts hit the teapot and got sucked inside.

The people inside were able to climb over the Walnut Taos and Kokonuts and escape the teapot, but Mad Pong aka ur mom was waiting with 69 AR15 travellers, who are all holding AR-15 guns. Xiangling decided to go big brain time and cooked the AR-15s and ate them with gunpowder sauce.

“It adds spice,” she said.

Unfortunately, by eating it, her body temperature rises to 10000000 degrees Celsius. This alerts the An-emo Gawd. Xiangling starts spitting fireballs with Guoba and then turns into Guoba.

There are now two Guobas: Xiangling Guoba, and Guoba Guoba.

The An-emo Gawd cools everything down with her An-emo powahs, and the Xiangling Guoba turns back into Xiangling and Guoba stays as Guoba.

All the trapped people, Xiangling, Guoba and the An-emo Gawd team up and kill Mad Pong, freeing the AR15 travellers from her control. The An-emo Gawd uses her powahs to make the pot normal again. All the trapped people decide to worship Xiangling as their gawd as well as the An-emo Gawd.

Xiangling develops a taste for spicy food, so she gets inspiration and makes a new dish made from spicy cobwebs and nuts and everyone sits down to eat and drink tea from the teapot. But the always-hungry Xiangling decided to eat the Emergency Foods next to the travellers. Just thinking about it makes Xiangling’s mouth water. The travellers agree, but only if everyone gets to share. The Paimons panic and start flying around, but the An-emo Gawd gathers them.

“Ehe,” she says as she kills them all.

Xiangling cooks the Paimons and they all feast together. Again. The An-emo Gawd gets drunmk, cuz she always does.

Suddenly an adeptus appears and sticks a piece of paper on one of the Paimons’ heads and revives the Paimon as Zombie Paimon. One of the Walnut Taos that was not summoned by Roc Dud earlier comes and tries to bury the Zombie Paimon, but the Zombie Paimon turns into 77. 77 begs Walnut Tao not to bury her or she will make her lose every single 50/50 to 77 until she dies. Walnut Tao is terrified and walks away defeated.

Benti the An-emo Gawd kills 77 by ripping the paper off her head, but before she died, 77 cursed Benti with losing 50/50 forever and Benti is devastated. Her bestie the Cry Gawd comes to comfort her, while Xiangling doesn’t want to eat the 77 cuz the food turned rotten so she ate the paper instead.

The Cry Gawd found a therapist and decided to bring Xiangling along with Benti, unfortunately, neither of them turned sane because the therapist was Roc Dud, who somehow and miraculously came back from the shops. All they talked about was wine, which made Benti more drunmk and Xiangling more hungry.

The End

TBC...

Mad Pongs (Pings):

No one specifically asked for them, so I'm just gonna do the people who asked for more scuffed stories.

@Walaxométrobixinodrink

@TheCrazyDragon

(I think I overdid the tags...)

I was replaying the Liyue archon quests on my asia server acc and i saw madame ping admiring the [burning] glaze lilies

I know all the amazing characters are playable but theres one person we're forgetting. sigh they would be so op if they were playable...

Madame Ping: Teapot Master

"I am no longer as adept with the sword as I was in my prime, but as long as I have my little teapot, I will be ready to go as any warrior."

Element: Hydro(?)

Weapon: Teapot

Normal Attack- Ancient Teawork

Normal Attack: Perform up to 4 consecutive strikes with her teapot.

Charged Attack: Madame Ping opens her teapot and performs a large slash, dealing AoE Hydro DMG as well as Physical DMG if the attack hits an enemy.

Plunging Attack: Plunges from mid-air with an open teapot to strike the ground below, dealing AoE Physical DMG as well as applying the Wet status.

Elemental Skill- Adeptus Art: Concentrated Adeptal Teaworks

Drops a Teapot of Adeptal Waters onto nearby enemies, dealing Physical DMG.

Teapot of Adeptal Waters:

-Continuously taunts nearby opponents, attracting them to attack it.

-Endurance scales on Madame Ping's Max HP.

-Spills over when destroyed or duration expires, dealing massive AoE Hydro DMG to surrounding opponents.

Elemental Burst- Coalesced Adeptal Energy

Gathering her adeptal energy, Madame Ping periodically releases a powerful shockwave that deals Physical DMG to surrounding opponents. The DMG dealt by Madame Ping's Normal, Charged, and Elemental Skill will be multiplied. Buff scales based on Madame Ping's Max HP.

Others/Extras:

Weapon- Iron Teapot

A sturdy and reliable teapot, albeit heavy, that never seems to run out of water.

At first, you thought that surely such a heavy thing couldn't be a teapot, and resolved to label it as something of a cleverly disguised torture mechanism.

However, your views were changed when you saw Madame Ping pour you a cup of steaming hot tea with the very same teapot.

At last, your views are changed once again when you witnessed the old granny beat up some twenty Treasure Hoarders with this old teapot alone.

Urgh... you sincerely hope that Madame Ping at least washes the teapot after each battle.

Utility Passive- Primordial Memories

Refunds 15% of the ores used when crafting Teapot-type weapons.

(i cant believe i spent 30 minutes on this please send help)

Just kidding!! I wanted to try making a wish art template from scratch to use for my Genshin OCs lol (maybe character predictions too?). The bg was tricky because I had to frankenstein a bunch of splash arts from different characters together + airbrushing in places. It's not finished yet though since it's missing those coloured lens dot thingies scattered about